WHY is talking about money, except in investors’ briefings and economic forecasts, squirm-inducing? Social conversation has consigned money talk in the same category as political affiliations among topics to be avoided. Why isn’t wealth as acceptable as health? Isn’t the risk of high cholesterol in steaks a conversation starter? This can be brought up casually even with those just newly met.
The favorite villains of telenovelas both male (dance instructor) and female (pole dancer) are scheming fortune hunters going after wealthy but naïve targets of both sexes who are both old and overweight. The favorite defense of the senior citizen against seemingly well-meaning relatives and friends, warning him of the dangers of sweet-talking schemers out to get his money, is denial — she never asks for cash, just a litany of needs.
In bank “wealth management” circles, money is at the center of social discourse. There is an observed rise in cases of “elderly abuse.” Family members are capable of surreptitiously charging groceries, home repairs, and sneakers to the credit card of the old widow who signs anything put to her — Mom, this is just a gate pass for the delivery of the brochure for an art auction.
Among wealthy couples, talking about money is almost routine. This includes subjects like the sale of an art collection, purchase of a car or condo, and where to celebrate anniversaries abroad…business class or economy? Discussions rest on priorities in allocating shared resources. Should it be her Birken bag or his antique watch? Sometimes the couple is wealthy enough not needing to choose one over the other. They talk about money like the weather and their favorite pasta.
Social occasions, including birthdays, funerals, and weddings are no longer bashful in suggesting the most appropriate gift — we prefer cash. (Please omit flowers.) What happened to the donations in the giftee’s name to worthy causes like nutrition programs for the poor?
The monetary aspect of human relationships can be glossed over. There is the mistaken notion that economics and emotion are mutually exclusive, meaning that it is a case of one or the other. Can they co-exist? Can’t natural charm (he has a wonderful sense of humor) be combined with economic clout (he has a flat in London with a library of jokes)?
In a romantic moment, the wealthy man may ask his young and fetching female companion a question — would you still love me if I was poor? The realistic answer would be: “Of course not.” But the more probable reply is ambiguous: That would make you a different person, Dear. She may add that what she really loves about him anyway is his mastery of Shakesperean sonnets. Does she not appreciate the Bard’s iambic pentameters? Of course, she does.
Why is talking about money, even among those who work together, such a fraught topic?
When a subordinate asks for a meeting with his boss to “discuss my career,” there is often the clearing of throats and a certain discomfort when the former gets to his point. How long ago was his last raise? Why is the newly hired executive already farther ahead than him in the rat race? This conversation is bound to end badly for the subordinate — well, if you’re not happy here, you can review your other options outside.
Certain marriages, especially when one party is much richer than the other, have now included money talks in the wedding preparations. The prenuptial contract (or “prenup”) tackles the contingency of a break-up and how this will be handled in terms of asset distribution for the conjugal properties. (Nothing for you, Babe). This setting of financial pre-conditions is already part of the wedding planner’s to-do list. A prenuptial meeting to discuss the contract with the lawyers and prospective in-laws is calendared ahead of the engagement party.
Money matters should just be part of ordinary conversation and not be something embarrassing to bring up over lunch. (How do we split the bill — Dutch Treat?)
Anyway, money should not hog any ordinary conversation. It may be too cynical to follow the Beatles song which states — “Money don’t get everything it’s true/ What it don’t get I can’t use/ Now give me money, that’s what I want.” (Are you nodding your head to the beat?)
Few will talk about money so blatantly. But it won’t hurt to bring it up ever so gently… when the occasion arises.
Tony Samson is chairman and CEO of TOUCH xda